Perfection

From "Confessions of a Public Speaker" by Scott Berkun:

I know I make small mistakes all the time. There's no way not to. Besides, when performing, perfection is bording. Tyler Durden, the qausi-hero from the film, said to stop being perfect because obsessing about perfection stops you from growing. You stop taking chances, which means you stop learning. I don't want to be perfect. I want to be useful, I want to be good, and I want to sound like myself. Trying to be perfect gets in the way of all three.

Cool! So all I have to do is stop worrying about making mistakes, and I'll be perfect! I can do that.

Making more mistakes

It was 10:22 AM, Eastern Time, when I made my decision. I was sitting in at the counter in the main room in my home in Blue Hill, Maine. I decided to start making more errors and mistakes. Maybe that was a mistake. But I made it.

Then I decided to write a post memorializing my decision. Maybe that was a mistake, too. Maybe it's a mistake to start the Post with the time and locale of my mistake. Two paragraphs in, and so many mistakes already!

How I made my mistakes
I'd been reading a book called "Fearless creating" by Eric Maisel (Amazon.com: Fearless Creating: ... ). Another mistake. That first statement contains an error. I'd actually been not-reading the book for several months. It sat on my bedside table next to things that I was reading.

I picked it up yesterday perhaps because it was the only thing on my bedside table as I headed off to the toilet (perhaps it was a mistake to say that) and I read this, one of the exercises in Maisel's book:

Practice the following exercise on the linoleum floor of your kitchen or on some similar surface. Thoroughly clean a three-by-three-foot square of the floor. [He explains how.]

Now mix up a little mud.

" With a heavy heart, but a strong will, muddy the floor." [He explains how, and asks: "Should it lower your self-esteem?"]

Now the point.

"You muddied the floor. But you did it as an exercise, to help you learn something. That is exactly the way to hold mistakes. You are making mistakes but...you are making them in the service of something vital, the creation of something true and beautiful...

"Mistakes made when you create are not mistakes. Do not fear them.

Today I read it again. And started making mistakes, beginning with this post.

Mistakes in this post

This post may have spelling errors. Most of my posts do, despite perfunctory spell-checking. It may have grammar errors. It has many sentences that have not been written as well as I could have written them. At least that's what I think. Are those mistakes? Or is it a mistake to try and perfect those sentences? Or a mistake to even think about which is the mistake and which is not? And maybe that's the point.

All creation involves mistakes and potential mistakes. And right now I'm about to make some more mistakes. I don't have a good way to end this post. Is it a mistake to sit and think of something really good, something that ties everything together. Or is it a mistake to just hit "Publich Post", and get on to the next set of mistakes.

I think I'll hit Post, right now. That's the mistake I've decided to make. And by the time you see this, I'll have made it.

(Well, actually I didn't do that. I did an editing pass on the post. And then another when I transfered it from Wave to Blogger. Were those mistakes? I guess so).

Time to hit Publish Post.

It was 10:22 AM, Eastern Time, when I made my decision. I was sitting in at the counter in the main room in my home in Blue Hill, Maine. I decided to start making more errors and mistakes. Maybe that was a mistake. But I made it. Then I decided to write a post memorializing my decision. Maybe that was a mistake. Maybe it's a mistake to start the Post with the time and locale of my mistake. Two paragraphs in, and so many mistakes already.How I made my mistakesI'd been reading a book called "Fearless creating" by Eric Maisel (Amazon.com: Fearless Creating: ... ). That statement contains an error. I'd actually been not-reading the book for several months. It sat on my bedside table next to things that I was reading. I picked it up yesterday perhaps because it was the only thing on my bedside table as I headed off to the toilet (perhaps it was a mistake to say that) and I read this, one of the exercises in Maisel's book:"Practice the following exercise on the linoleum floor of your kitchen or on some similar surface. Thoroughly clean a three-by-three-foot square of the floor. [He explains how.]Now mix up a little mud." With a heavy heart, but a strong will, muddy the floor." [He explains how, and asks: "Should it lower your self-esteem?"]Now the point."You muddied the floor. But you did it as an exercise, to help you learn something. That is exactly the way to hold mistakes. You are making mistakes but...you are making them in the service of something vital, the creation of something true and beautiful..."Mistakes made when you create are not mistakes. Do not fear them.Today I read it again. And started making mistakes, beginning with this post.Mistakes in this postThis post may have spelling errors. Most of my posts do, despite perfunctory spell-checking. It may have grammar errors. It has many sentences that have not been written as well as I could have written them. At least that's what I think. Are those mistakes? Or is it a mistake to try and perfect those sentences? Or a mistake to even think about which is the mistake and which is not? And maybe that's the point.All creation involves mistakes and potential mistakes. And right now I'm about to make another mistake. I don't have a good way to end this post. Is it a mistake to sit and think of something really good, something that ties everything together. Or is it a mistake to just hit "Post", and get on to the next set of mistakes. I think I'll hit Post, right now. That's the mistake I've decided to make. And by the time you see this, I'll have made it.(Well, actually I didn't do that. I did an editing pass on the post. Was that a mistake? I guess so)." __wave_annotations="25,2736,style%2FfontFamily,Georgia%2C+serif:474,496,style%2FfontWeight,bold:565,600,link%2Fmanual,http%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FFearless-Creating-Step-Step-Completing%2Fdp%2F0874778050:565,576,link%2Fauto,http%3A%2F%2FAmazon.com%3A:656,667,style%2FfontStyle,italic:1409,1450,style%2FfontStyle,italic:1738,1759,style%2FfontWeight,bold:" class="__wave_paste">

Life's lessons: over and over, until you get them

That's the way life works. You run into a situation. You figure out how to deal with it. Then you forget. Then she same shit happens again. So you figure out how to deal with it. Oh, wait! That was the same thing you did last time. Then you forget. And once again, the same goddamn thing happens. And again, you have to figure it out. And again, it's the same thing. Eventually, say by the time you're sixty seven, you figure out that there's a pattern. And you write about it (in a suitably abstract way) in one of your blogs, the better to remember it. And tomorrow, who knows, maybe you won't forget.

OK, let's get specific.

First, substitute "I" for "you" in the first paragraph. Second, substitute feeling "lacking in energy," "down," or "depressed" for "situation" and its various other incarnations. Substitute "listen to music" for "you figure out how to do it."

Two nights ago, I dragged my tired ass down to the library at 11:30 PM to suck down some of their excellent bandwidth so that I could listen to my current favorite band, U2, streaming on my favorite video site, YouTube. At 2:30 when the concert was over, I was jazzed. No sleep without chemical help. And not tired the next two nights. Then tonight, tired. And struggling I found an old answer (not music, but a subject for another post). But then I remembered the music, and now I'm listening to my favorite Polish Sea Chantey streaming web site (Szanty24.pl, courtesy of Z3) and I may never go to sleep again. At least unti l finish this post.

GSD Medical Plan gaining support

The Wolf Report has learned that a new medical plan, called "The GSD Plan" is gaining bipartisan support within both the House and Senate. Observers believe that it may represent the kind of new thinking that can bring the nation together on this divisive issue.

"This is the one plan that meets both the goals of the President, of liberals who want universal health care, and of fiscal conservatives who don't want an exploding national debt," said Jim Beam, who heads the Committee for the GSD Plan. "The GSD Plan can provide health care to every American, without exception, and can do so at lower costs than any other plan being considered. Furthermore it's a tried and true plan, one that millions of people--rich and poor alike--have used successfully. All we've done is to formalize the plan, give it a name, and spend $250 million dollars lobbying for its adoption.

GSD, which stands for "Get Sick and Die," was the medical plan chosen by George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, and almost all of the other Founding Fathers. Today it's the plan that covers millions of Americans, most of whom believe that they don't have a health care plan. "In fact," says Beam, "they are covered by the plan that the richest and most powerful people in this country used until recently. People need to realize that they have this great coverage, and then maybe stop whining and shut up."

Some critics believe that GSD will not provide good health care, But Beam disagrees. "GSD provides excellent care. George Washington died at age 67, Thomas Jefferson at 83 and John Adams at 90, to name just a few people who used GSD. I'd say that's a pretty good record."

According to Beam, the GSD that the Founding Fathers enjoyed has been improved to take advantage of the latest medical research. Bleeding and blistering will no longer be covered. Healing with crystals will be reimbursed, but with a $10.00 co-pay.

Writing and Editing

Back in the day, when I first starting writing various stupid things to My Friend Jonny, I concluded that I was not a very good writer--but I was a good editor.

A really good writer can sit down and just bang out great stuff. Anthony Troloppe qualifies. He wrote 47 novels, all in longhand, much of it (if I remember my Troloppe) while on the train to his day job. He'd finish one novel and start the next one the next day. Isaac Asimov is the gold standard for writerly productivity. There's debate about how many books he wrote--even he lost track; the number is now considered well above 400, and may be greater than 500. Of course he had an advantage over Troloppe: the typewriter had been invented. No telling what Asimov would have done with a word processor. It might have been in the thousands. And if the Internet had been invented it might have gone up even further--or dropped to zero as he surfed his way to idiocy.

I don't have Troloppe's that talent, much less Asimov's. For one thing, I have trouble finishing what I start. For another I've found that most of what I write isn't very good; but almost everything has some good ideas in it. So I keep the good ideas, and rewrite the rest, and gradually something emerges that I'm happy with. "Writing is rewriting," someone has said. For me, "writing is editing." I know what's good and not good. I throw out the not-good, keep the good, and assign my writer-self to do a next draft. Then I repeat the process until my editor-self is satisfied. Over time, my writer-self has gotten better--or perhaps my editor-self has grown more tolerant. Or both.

In any case, the "Formula for Creativity" for me has been this:

1. Create a lot.
2. Throw away the crappy stuff. (There may be a lot of it)
   
3. Keep the good stuff. (There will always be at least some)
   
4. Create some more.
5. Stop when it's good enough.
   

The problem is that I haven't wanted it to be that way. Here's the process I want:

1. Create something perfect the first time.
2. Tell the editor to shut-the-fuck-up.
   
3. Stop, because perfect is more than good enough.
   

Since I haven't been able to get what I've wanted, I've responded in a very effective way: by going on strike. The process has been:

1. If you can't create something perfect the first time, don't create anything at all.
2. That way, all of what you create is perfect.
3. The editor has been shut up.
   
4. Whoopie doo.
   

Clearly this is not a good strategy. So it's about to change as follows:

1. Write this essay, without too much editing.
2. Read through it once and fix what is obviously wrong.
   
3. Move along. Move along.
   

So in less than 30 seconds, I'll hit the publish button and we're on the new process.

The Artist's Way

A few months ago, a friend of Bobbi's loaned her a copy of "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron. I think I may have seen it before, but this time something about it struck me and I started writing my "Daily Pages." Daily Pages are a ritual that Cameron recommends: each day write, in longhand, three pages of whatever comes into your head. Don't read it. Just write it. So starting sometime in February, I started doing it. I've missed a day or two, no more, and some days I've written more than three, to catch up.

Cameron's got a whole program, not just the morning pages, but I did not have time to start before we left, so I just kept writing my pages.

When we got home I pulled out the book and started her Eight Week Recovery Program. I'm on Week One which is called "Recovering a Sense of Safety." The idea is to "protect the artist child within" using affirmative weapons." Part of this is just writing down positive thoughts about yourself, letting shit come out that denies the positive, and then being positive in spite of the crap.

So that's what I have been doing for the last few days. It's been interesting. The first day, just as soon as I wrote something positive, The Critic came roaring out to deny my affirmation. I talked back and fought it to a draw. The next day when I said something positie, there was something far weaker trying to contradict me. It was quite easily overcome.

We'll see how it goes.

People who succeed...

In a Rolling Stone article about Kris Kristofferson (written by Ethan Hawke) I found this quote attributed to Eugene O'Neil that I thought was worth passing on:

"The people who succeed and do not push on to a greater failure are the spiritual middle-classers."

Looking it up on the Internet to verify it, I found this for context:

"I love life. But I don't love life because it is pretty. Prettiness is only clothes-deep. I am a truer lover than that. I love it naked. There is beauty to me even in its ugliness. In fact, I deny the ugliness entirely, for its vices are often nobler than its virtues, and nearly always closer to a revelation ....To me, the tragic alone has that significant beauty which is truth. It is the meaning of life -- and the hope. The noblest is eternally the most tragic. The people who succeed and do not push on to a greater failure are the spiritual middle-classers. Their stopping at success is the proof of their compromising insignificance. How petty their dreams must have been!"-- Eugene O'Neill, from the biography by Barbara and Arthur Gelb 

I'm already hard at work on my next failures.

Brenda Euland and William Blake

I'm rereading Brenda Euland's wonderful book "If you want to write." Her book is not just about writing, but about all acts of creation.

Chapter 1 is titled: "Everyone is talented, original, and has something important to stay." She goes on to proove it and to give examples of people who reached their potential as creators. I'm reading her recounting of William Blake, and that sent me off on a research project to find out more (Damn that Internet! It makes it too easy).

Quotes from Euland about Blake: [Blake's] free and abundant use of his creative power made him one of the happiest men who ever lived. He wrote copious and endless poetry (without the slightest concern that it would ever be published)

Blake said that most of us mix up God and Satan. We see God as "mere prudence."

The only way we can grow and know if something is good or bad is to do it. "Sooner strangle an infant in a cradle than nurse unacted desires."

The Reason that "shrivels the ardor and freedom and the passionate enthusiasm that wells up in us" is Satan. It limits our creativity and denies God, for "nothing is pleasing to God except the creation of beautiful and exalted things."

"Writing, the creative effort, the use of imagination, should come first: at least some part of every day of your life. It is a wonderful blessing if you will use it."

"I want to ensure you with all earnestness that no writing is a waste of time--no creative work where the feelings, the imagination, the intelligence must work. With every sentence you write, you have learned something. It has done you good. It has stretched your understanding. I know that."

Euland helps inspire me to silence the Critic(s) of my writing--all of them internal. Why write WPFW? Who will read it? That's just become a non-question. I write it because "no writing is a waste of time." I will grow from the writing. Similarly, I draw inspiration from my other sources of advice.