Here’s the pattern: sometimes B and I would get into a tiff. If I got my head out of my upset (some might say, if I got my head out of my ass) I’d resist reaching. “Why am I always the one who has to reach?” I’d ask myself. Myself would answer something unhelpful and more time would pass before things got cleaned up.
On a trip to Florida a couple of years ago, I came up with a great strategy for dealing with this, which we have now both adopted. I’ll tell it from my angle.
I realized that being the first one willing to reach was a strength, not a weakness. So I reached, and said, “I win!” Then I explained the new system that I was following. After a while B started to win, too. Now we both win, in lots of ways.
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