When something bad happens, the mind cries out for answers: why did this happen? What does it mean? Unfortunately the mind also provides answers. Sadly, the answers that it provides are generally wrong and not very useful.
I have learned that there are many questions that I cannot answer, but these two I can: everything happens for a reason (many reasons, actually); we can choose (some of) our reasons, and our lives depends on which ones we choose. Everything may mean something different to every different person (and sometimes can mean many things to the same person); we decide at least some of those meanings and our lives depend on what we decide.
Except in matters of science, where reasons can be verified with some certainty, the best reasons and the best meanings are not the "truest" ones but the most useful ones. Indeed "truest" has no real meaning when you can not subject a statement to a test, but "useful" does.
So if something bad happens to you, then among the best reasons I can offer to you (and I encourage you to accept) is: "This happened so that you can learn from it." It's as true as you can make it, and it's as useful as any reason can be. If you want to know what it means when something bad happens I suggest the meta-meaning: "It means what you make it mean. And if you learn something worth valuing from it that will then be its meaning."
I do not believe that things happen because of the workings of Karma or fate. Perhaps it's true, but it's fairly useless to me. I do believe that things happen to us because of chains of causality rooted in the laws of physics: place yourself in front of a speeding car a few microseconds before it reaches you, and I guarantee you will get hit, no Karma about it, and placing yourself there is a good reason to explain what happened. But that's also a fairly useless explanation.
What if someone says something hurtful to you? Or what if you get an illness or suffer from some physical condition? Physics does not even provide a good explanation except at a uselessly abstract level ("Your cancer, Mr. Johnson, is due to a cell's improper division making it malignant."). My answer for myself, and the one that I recommend to you is: "Whatever happened happened (among other reasons) so that you can learn something from it." That's the one to keep in mind. And it will be both true and useful if you will it so.
Recently I've had a few setbacks (nothing terminal that I know of--and good things as well) and unpleasant things have happened to friends of mine (and good things). Why did these things happen and what do they mean? As always there are many reasons, but one reason for me is so that I could think this through and write this down.
These have been useful beliefs for a good part of my life. It has helped me to remind myself of them and to remind myself that I always have a choice about what I believe.
I hope it encourages you to consider it (and try it) if you have not previously heard it; or it convinces you if it makes enough sense; or reminds you if you know it already.
